I know I promised to come out of retirement once Kerrdumbass announced their fake engagement, but since She Who Lies got caught telling another lie, I figured I’d write another post anyways. I’m totally kidding. Jaded asked me to.
Turns out the dingho needed a diversion to distance herself from her ex-Sugar Daddy, Adrian Camilleri’s fraud trial that was going down the same time she was headlining the David Jones Petting Zoo Clearance Bonanza . Yeah, his ass is going down for tricking on Cabbage. As soon as the money was gone, she left him in a blaze of fleas. How does she find fools willing to support her inflated lifestlye?
"Good thing I didn't mention all those pairs of embezzled shoes."
What is shady about all this is Momma Kerr helped him rip off some well-to-do people just to feed her precious baby all kinds of plane tickets, baby grand pianos, and an unlimited supply of Bitter Dingo beer, but hasn’t even been considered a suspect in the case. I kinda don’t blame him though. I’d fear for my life too if a sabre-toothed cabbage with beaver cheeks threatened to maul me! Now I know the real story behind Whorelando getting breast implants put in his arms. She bit the shit out of his cheap ass!
"I just know that bitch Akeelers is gonna make jokes about me looking like Popeye!"
I hate to gloat, but I’m gonna do it anyways because that’s just the kind of person I am. I called bullshit on this story the second I heard it. I even offered to buy them a gift for their wedding registry, should they decide to culminate this farce with an actual wedding. Since it will be a cold day inside the dingho’s expansive jowls before she gets Whorely down the aisle, I went ahead and posted some of the creative gift ideas that the happy couple missed out on.
For starters, here’s a beautiful framed self portrait of Miranda meditating at the beach…
Alegria suggested getting them this interesting South American artifact to accent their singing bowls. “B!tches” would approve!
Ah! Here’s an Estruscan Vase from Whorely’s BFF, Viggo…
To spice up their wardrobe, here’s a pair of embezzled shoes, from Adrian of course!
…Some duct tape from the Go Fug Yourself girls for the dingho to complete her dress made out of skin, tassels, and ass cleavage…
…And matching motorcycle outfits from Olivier, just in case Whorely wants to go riding with the fellas.
Finally, I decided on this very appropriate motivational LOL Cats poster on behalf of Delphi to encourage Kerrblimey each day to quit while no one is paying attention.
ahh you list of wedding gifts is priceless – I particularly enjoyed Wanda’s, Viggo’s and Olivier’s gifts to the happy couple…… I have a feeling OB would of enjoyed those…. still as you say it will be a cold day in her jowls if she gets him down the aisle……
I still hold on to the hope that whorli has more sense…..
(and its not wrong to gloat in special circumstances – yesterday was a particularly good day!!)
Hey Akeelers, thanks for photoshopping that picture of cabbytch on Rolling Stone back to it’s original state.
The Etruscan Vase from Viggo is particularly stunning.
I’m a bit disappointed the wedding isn’t going ahead. I was all set to rush to David Jones to see what there was on the bridal register that I could buy for the dynamic duo.
(I’m glad you decided to gloat btw
)
David Jones does a bridal register ?!?!??!?! – i wanted to get the happy couple outfits by lisa (fame)ho, but i;m not sure she does men’s clothing…..
Mwaaahhhaahahahaha at the gifts, very funny! LOL at the Popeye reference, he likes spinach anyway.
haha! @ breast implants in his arms.
Late but: ROFLMAO! That was awesome.
Hi Akeelers!
Hi!
Awesome indeed! lol
who would like to join me in a chant of “Put it on! Put it on! Put it on!”?
Do you know who IS getting engaged? My sister! Soo exciting.
I really pisses me off when celebs jump on the green bandwagon like this – a week in Miss Kerr’s jetting setting life probably triples the amount of greenhouse gas emissions we all make in a year (combined). I get the feeling celebs like it because they don’t have to donate large amounts of money or travel to developing nations. They just have to tell a magazine they put solar panels on their roof.