Dear Whorelando,
Should we really surprised that you hiked up your bitch tits and ran back into the arms of Cabbytch after she touched down in Paris? Do you really think it was a good idea to try keeping up appearances after being so publicly embarrassed by your double-dealing dingo friend? Is your heart really in her hands or are your balls stuffed away in her purse? So many questions!
"Ewe see thisce luk? Thisce is the smyle of a womin hoo noooes!"
I’m sure you know what’s best for you though, right? I mean, so what if your badly aging bleached blonde bimbo allegedly dry humped Lukas Haas in a nightclub just to teach you a lesson. You’re lucky to have her! Besides, she had good ole Jared Followill from Kings of Leon keeping a jealous eye on her the entire night to make sure no d-list booty plundering went down on his watch.
"...And if ewe skwint and tilt yer hed, you can see mye braiyne."
They’ve been BFF’s ever since she strong-armed him and went all spread eagle on him in front of the paps. She was showing him where she stashes the secret ingredient for her new Whora skincare line that you’re going to have to help her pimp pretty soon. I hear it’s made from all natural ingredients like goji berries, desperation, FAIL, and your tears. That online degree in biochemistry came in handy for her afterall.
A proud fan like me can’t help but be excited about all future photo ops that will no doubt come from this leg of your world tour. My head is gonna explode! Let’s see, you’re gonna have to hightail it to Oz for the kids charity fundraiser she has coming up and she can’t validate her existence on her own, you know. Who the hell is gonna write a check for That Girl That’s Fucking Whorelando Bloom if they can’t meet Whorelando fucking Bloom? You’re also expected to grin and bear it for that David Jones Marquee Dogfighting thingy that the dingho won last year. Congratulations, Kerrbloom is now a brand! Well, gotta run. Make sure the paps get the dingo’s good side, whatever side that may be. Tricking ain’t easy!
TTYL,
-Akeelers
PS. Stage 5 Clingers are having the best week ever!
I think i just wet myself laughing……..
“Is your heart really in her hands or are your balls stuffed away in her purse? So many questions!”
I think we all know the answer to whether its his heart or his bollocks that she has a tight grip on…..
And I honestly think that the skincare line would sell a lot better with its new title
Whora – says a lot about the brand…. is there a mens range?
I fell off of my chair at WHORA…
HAHAHAH @ WHORA.
He sucks.
Her scarf is mighty stupid.
That first pic of him is making me wish I revised the last act of the dingo play.
If you squint and tilt your head you can see her brain. Bwah!
She was showing him where she stashes the secret ingredient for her new Whora skincare line that you’re going to have to help her pimp pretty soon. I hear it’s made from all natural ingredients like goji berries, desperation, FAIL, and your tears.
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OMG that was brilliant!!!!
She was showing him where she stashes the secret ingredient for her new Whora skincare line that you’re going to have to help her pimp pretty soon. I hear it’s made from all natural ingredients like goji berries, desperation, FAIL, and your tears.
——————–
OMG that was brilliant!!!!
Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can’t wait to see your next post!
is orlando’s hotness offically gone??? it looks like it
Unfortunately testicles don’t regenerate like a liver does, so I fear it may be too late for Whorely.
Unless we save up for an operation to have stainless steel balls inserted like they do with desexed canines when they want to put them in dog shows.
We could probably detach the dingHo’s brass balls and use those?
Joders, that comment killed me. Utterly.
I love the way the photos of her leaving Paris have her looking like she’s trying to follow her baggage into the hold
http://img237.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=68861_006_122_426lo.jpg#
I imagine her brass balls are very firmly attached to the rest of her… i can’t believe we are the first people to try and get them off her…
Poor Whorelando, it must be embaressing to realise your girlfriend not only has your Bollocks but has a pair of her own as well….
Dumbass didn’t even bother to get in a crate!
LOL
Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work!
- Marc Shaw
omg i just noticed your ben barnes single ladies gif. So distracting! I cannot take my eyes away! Anyhow, am i the only one that doesnt get the deal with Jessica Biel? i have never been able to quite put my foot on it but there’s something about her that i cant stand.
Jessica is a parasite just like the dingho. With out the famous significant others, these two would have been forgotten about long time ago.
Barnesy is shaking that ass, isn’t he?
Yeah Jess might be annoying but at least she had/has a decent career before dating JT. And whenever she’s in tabloids, the don’t have to mention her “famous boyfriend” for people to acknowledge and/or know who she is (unlike dinghy)
Is there some sort of black magic we can use to help him grow back his thingies???
This is one of the most interesting-ly amazing blogs I have ever read it’s 4.00am and I can’t stop reading.
Thanks smiley_lou. I’ll be sure to update it more once I get a life. XD