Dear Dingho,
Once again we have to deal with you pulling a Hail Whorely in the press as a result of your interminable FAIL. Having your equally juvenile publicist put out a bogus story about you lifting your skirt and flashing your dingho bits to Whorelando on a dark LA street lets me know two things: 1. You need to get to a vet STAT! Whatever it is that is crawling around on your ass is not going to be cured by a gentle breeze. 2. You intended for this story to make people to forget what a complete and utter failure you and your Whora skincare line are. And they will. At least until after all the real supermodels come off of maternity leave and push your aesthetically inferior busted self back into the shadows with their fabulousness. You’ll be happy to know that the stagehands will be bringing you water and keeping you company.
"Murissuh, Doubtzin! Git over heere and maike mee luk pretteh! Nevahmind. Karry orn!"
To be quite honest, I don’t understand how you and David Jones dropped the ball on promoting your concoction. Whora was supposed to be the crown jewel of your expanding empire. What happened? Let me guess. DJs treats you like a basement baby and Whorelando’s appearance fee just went up. Fair enough. There were still ways to get around this. All you had to do was this:
This is really all your own fault, you know. Like many so others, you crave the limelight, but are devoid of any discernible talent to stay there. So you decide to hitch your wagon onto your eunuch of a handbag and become a traveling circus. Too bad you were too stupid to carve out your own personality once you took hold of the reigns. Giselle is Giselle. Adriana Lima is Adriana Lima. You are “Whorelando Bloom’s girlfriend”. It’s your only selling point! Even the fellas over at Celeb Jihad said you were “best known as the parking spot for Orlando Bloom’s penis”. How hurtful is it to be likened to a carport or a lucky sock? Then again, class is a quality that escapes you, so you’ll probably just wear these descriptors as some sort of badge of honor. Maybe if you didn’t carry yourself like such an unstable tart, then you wouldn’t have to browbeat Whorelando with engagement rumors every few months just to open up dialogue about marriage.
Well gotta go. I’m getting kind of tired of putting you on notice for your vapidity and amateur business dealings, so can you please pull it together?
Kthxby,
Akeelers
Loving the whora display – thats where DJ’s mucked up in IMO – it should of be Whorely’s skin care range – there is half a chance it might of sold…….
Orlando’s lucky sock obviously holds more appeal than the dingho.
Love the graphics. Legolas can sell me rose hips oil any day.
Outstanding as always, Akeelers!
Hail, Whorely- hilarious!
That is a pretty impressive display! You see, there really is a positive side to every phuckery. Look at how your photoshop skillz are improving!
Woohoo! Yet another dingHo fail! Keep on failing bytch – it’s the only thing you’re good at!
I want to sample Will Turner’s sword. Who knew I could buy it at DJs?
Yeah, that display is killing me.
That pic of her at the VS promotion is kinda pathetic. It almost makes me feel sorry for her.
Glad you said “almost” Wanda. I couldn’t scrape up one iota of pity for her if my life depended on it.
Excellent, as always.
Glad you girls like the display. After last week’s Whorelando lurve fest, I am convinced that some of you girls still have some of his posters and cardboard cutouts.
Wanda, her body language is very telling. For someone who hypes herself up to be one of the most beautiful girls ever, she has a hard time standing out in a crowd of women and is aware of this. Or maybe Doutzen and Marissa just don’t like her crazy ass.
OMG that display is freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! In her dreams!
For the record, I do not have any posters or cardboard cutouts. Just a few small pictures on the bulletin board by my desk. 3 of them.
Is that wrong? I haven’t given up on Whorely, OK? I can change him!
***squeezing my eyes shut and wishing really hard***
I believe, I believe, I believe!!
(Hey Wanda, you just got your 36 minutes with Whorely. I decided to finish my phictional masterpiece.)
Hahaha! Change? Wanda stop it! You’re starting to sound like the dingho now.
LOL I have a Prince Capsicum calendar hanging in my kitchen as we speak, so I have no room to talk.
Joders- Is sword sampling kind of like wine tasting?
Slapparr- I think you might be on to something. The dingho has aged Whorelando 10 years with her ceaseless phuckery, yet he still has better skin.
Sadie Jo- Methinks you’d prefer Legolas’ hips over rose hip oil any day.
… Is sword sampling kind of like wine tasting? …
In what sense? Do you mean you have to spit out whatever is in your mouth in the end?
Jaded, you only need to spit it out at the end if you really want to. I know some girls who like to swallow
Ummm, yes, yes Akeelers, sword sampling is quite like wine tasting. Exactly. Just what I was trying to say.
Wow! Um, that’s pretty interesting. So, if Whorelando was a wine, what kind would he be then, Joders?
wow…… the comments have certainly taken an interesting turn
Took a quick at this last night and didn’t notice the picture if from the Chicago opening. Where on earth did you find it? I found nothing from that opening posted on the internet. Oh well, you are right about her as usual. Guess DJ’s couldn’t get Megan or some other celeb (i.e. her last VS promo where the reality stars appeared) to appear with her either to draw in some people so they just didn’t bother at all.
Believe it or not, I filched it from Dingho Love.
You rock……..
HOW DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE OF MY OFFICE!?!?
Oh wait. I don’t have a Will standee…
Never mind. Carry on…
PS – Brilliant Akeelers. As always.
LMAO and i thought i was the only one who had an office like that
……
“You are “Whorelando Bloom’s girlfriend”. It’s your only selling point!”
Whenever I google Orlando (he still has a place in my heart and head, but the from 2000-2007 circa), its always about Miranda. “Orlando Blooms girlfriend…”, “Miranda Kerr, Orlando Bloom’s girlfriend…” Man, she can’t get her own publicity?!.
I guess my butt would look more roundish (not that its not) if I heavily arched my back like I wanted to break it too.
Oh gosh!
This blog is amazing! Look at this bullshit…
http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/celebrities/hollywood/miranda-kerr-weight-loss-woes-212896/
it seems a dejà vu, doesn’t it?
Hmm i seem to remember similar tales about kate – but the dingho had been the same weight for years???? at least thats what her last press release said – apparently its all down to bad angles…..
Yes, if a camera is pointed in her general direction, that is a pretty bad angle.
well yes, thats very true – we’ve had a luurve fest for whorely – maybe we should try to find photos of the dingho that aren’t completely minging…..
how about this as a start – i very much like this one
http://www.the-spine.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/scarlett.jpg
and news pics of the ‘Dingho’…
http://www.wireimage.com/ItemListings.aspx?igi=401664&nbc1=1
brittanyambera- Her ass is concave. I deleted my Whorelando Bloom google alerts ages ago.
Blair- She’s trying to pull a Bozzers. She can’t do anything original.
I think she is lifting her skirt up so when she talks out of her ass people can hear what she is saying.
Haha! Alegria, I LOLed!
Dearest Alegria: I am so totally stealing that…
Blair- Meh.
Anf of course JJ is constantly posting threads about her…wonder how much she pays…!
Blair, did you notice in the first picture there that they not only photo-shopped her they also added darker make up between the boobs so she’d look like she has some?
I hadn’t noticed…but you’re right….She is always photoshopped in Vs pics BTW…and in their adsshe wears miraculous bras…natural beauty, right?? ahah
Ahahahhaha @ Alegria.
… thanks for the picture, Akeelerz.
Hi Akeelers! I can’t believe I haven’t checked out/written on this blog for around 400 years! Thank baby Jesus you still care enough to keep it going
You are the wind beneath my gimpy wings!!!
Love yous!
Did you check out the Barnsey/Single Ladies gif? —–>
I did! hahahaha – I ♥ it! He looks fab as Beyoncé
uh…that first picture does not look right. In fact, it looks very, very wrong. it reminds me a lot of Larry Flynt’s bizzare Hustler cover where the girl’s bottom half was going through a meat grinder. Dingho looks like she’s split in two. Quick! Before Copperfield can put her back together-Aliers, you grab the legs, Akeelers, you grab the top half and maybe if we spread them out across the globe perhaps that will end the reign of Terr-whore?
hahahahaha! Mrs. M
Ah, I missed you!