Dear Jennifer Aniston,
I expect this sort of thing from Megan Fox, not you. I understand that your self esteem has taken a severe beating over the years, given your failed marriage and Brad and building up his child army in front of the media, but this is taking it too far. You look very well for 40 and I hope I look like you when I reach that age. However, posing nude for a men’s mag just to promote a family movie about a dog is a very bad move and I would question the parenting skills of anyone who would take their child to see a family movie based on the star looking hot in nude photos.
"What?!?This isn't Playboy? Then why am I posing like a sunburned bunny?"
Please stop cursing in your promotional interviews, please stop talking about the Jolie Pitts (because you’re only being baited), and for the love of Shiloh, please stop playing Rachel Green in every damned movie! The Holy ones didn’t win Golden Globe nominations because they played Rachel Green over and over. I’m beginning to think you only care about promoting yourself!
"Hannah Montanah eat your heart out!"
I’d like to add, fire John Mayer. Anyone who uses women for a Port-A-Potty cannot be good for your inferiority complex. Also fire Stephen Huvane. You’re making this guy a very rich man for what? So he can tell you to show up at the Ivy to get your picture taken? That is just a step up from selling your baby pics. He’s bad for your career and your emotional well being.
Owen, you really made me believe I could crash a wedding until I tried it and realized i'm a socially awkward douche. The food was great though.
Maybe you should let me be your friend. Or at least be your publicist. I’ve given Cabbage Patch Miranda Kerr plenty of ideas for her pap fests while complaining with the other haters about how much I can’t stand her arse. Maybe it’s high time you copy some of my ideas too.
I want to be your friend but you won’t let me,
Akeelers
PS. The same way you should have beat Brad and Angelina’s asses years ago for fucking around is the same way they should beat your ass for drudging up their kids by name. It makes you seem bitter and bordeline stalkerish. I wouldn’t be a true friend if I didn’t tell you the truth. Don’t let it happen again.
